I never wanted to be a Huntsman!
by JC of the Corn
Summary: Jaune finally snaps over his weakness, and reveals his greatest dream in the world! Monty Python style! Inspired by Blaiseingfire. I do not own RWBY or Monty Python


**I was inspired by blaesingfire due to his monty python sketch with Jaune, so here go. The Lumberjack song! By Monty Python. Unforturnately I was sober when I wrote this, so its not as good.**

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"As you can see, Mr. Arc's aura has dropped into the orange...again." Goodwitch said as Jaune looked depressed.

This time he lost to Velvet of Team CFVY. He was not in a good mood. And even Pyrrha looked worried that he would go into another depressive episode, like what happened with Cardin a few weeks ago.

"Mr. Arc, when in battle please refer to-" She was cut off by Jaune yelling.

"OH SOD IT ALL!" He cried out in anguish.

"Mr. Arc! While I can understand your frustration, there is no need to-" She was cut off once again.

"Why am I here?" He asked her.

"Well, you got into this aca-" She said as Jaune cut her off.

"Oh I didn't get into this academy! My father forged my transcripts and forced me to come here!" He yelled as everyone's Jaw dropped.

"Are you saying you cheated?" She said as she glared at him.

"Yes I did! And you know what?! I never wanted this!" He said as Pyrrha came down.

"Now Jaune, I'm sure you can calm-" He cut her off.

"I never wanted to be a huntsman!" He said as everyone was shocked.

The boy who everyone thought wanted to be a huntsman didn't really want to be here? Why did his dad force him to come here? And why was he choosing this time of all times to snap and come clean? More importantly, why didn't he just say no to his father.

"I wanted to be a lumberjack!" He said as he smiled.

Okay, now they were sure he had just gone insane.

"LEAPING FROM TREE TO TREE AS THEY FLOAT DOWN THE RIVERS OF BRITISH COLUMBIA!" He yelled out as everyone was confused.

What the hell was British columbia? Did Jaune hit his head really hard or something? Because this was not good.

"THE GIANT REDWOOD! THE LARCH! THE FIR! THE MIGHTY SCOTS PINE!" He said as he was getting happier and happier as he listed off trees.

"I think Arc has finally lost it..." Weiss said both Team RWBY and JNPR had come down to talk some sense into Jaune.

Goodwitch honestly didn't know what to think, she had seen some students have breakdowns, but none like this. Usually they needed reassurance that they belonged here. But it seemed like Mr. Arc didn't only believe he didn't belong here, he actually stated that he didn't belong here, mostly because he didn't want to be a huntsman. But of all things, he wanted to be a lumberjack?

"THE SMELL OF FRESH CUT TIMBER!" He said as he stipped off his armor and hoodie, revealing a flannel shirt underneath.

"THE CRASH OF MIGHTY TREES!" He stripped down further and revealed he was wearing work pants with suspenders.

He put on a fur trapper hat as he pulled Weiss towards him.

"WITH MY BEST GIRLY BY MY SIDE!" He yelled as Weiss was protesting.

"HEY!" She said as she was not happy. Neither was Pyrrha.

"WE'D SING! SING! SING!" He said as Weiss was forced to stand by him.

"I'M A LUMBERJACK AND I'M OKAY! I Sleep all night! I work all day!" He sang out loudly as everyone thought he had gone crazy.

" _He's a lumberjack and he's okay, he sleeps all night and he works all day!"_ A men's chorus had formed behind Jaune and was singing back to him.

The chorus was made up of Ren, Team CRDL, Fox, Yatsuhashi, and surprisingly Professors Oobleck, Port, and...OZPIN?!

"Professor Ozpin!" Glynda was honestly surprised.

"I feel compelled..." He couldn't explain it.

"I cut down trees, I eat my lunch! I go to the lavatreeeeee, On wednesdays I go shopping! And have buttered scones for tea!" He sang out as his chorus sang back.

 _"He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch! He goes to the lavatreeeee, ON wednesdasy he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea!"_ His chorus of manly men sang back as they were really getting into it.

Surprisingly even Weiss felt herself swooning a bit.

Jaune was really getting into it, he felt happier than he ever had before! He needed to continue! He needed to let it go! He needed to tell the world how he truly felt!

"I cut down trees! I skip and jump! I like to press wild flowers! I put on women's clothing! And Hang around in bars!" He said as Weiss felt a little uncomfortable hearing that.

Goodwitch spit out what she was drinking, unsure if that was what she actually heard. Did Mr. Arc just admit to being a crossdresser? Then again...he did wear a dress to Prom...

" _He cuts down trees! He skips and jumps! He likes to press wild flowers! He puts on womens clothing...and hangs around in bars?"_ His chorus said as they all adopted a disturbed look on their face. But they quickly shook it off before anyone noticed.

Meanwhile the students knew EXACTLY what Jaune said.

"I cut down trees! I wear high heels! Suspendies and a bra! I wish I'd been a girly just like my dear Mama!" He said as Weiss now look horrified.

The worst part was that his chorus continued to sing.

 _"He cuts down trees! He wears high heels...suspendies? And a bra?"_ Suddenly his Chorus freaked out.

"DUDE?! WHAT THE SHIT?!" Cardin yelled out as that was just weird.

"And you hang around in bars?! What the hell dude?" Russel said as he ran away.

"...Why were we still singing?" Ozpin said as he didn't mind his students being transvestites, but why was he singing about it?

Weiss meanwhile was now crying, as she realized the macho appearance Jaune just adopted that made her actually want to swoon for him was actually a facade, and she couldn't take it anymore.

"I can't believe I thought you were so rugged!" She ran away crying as Jaune was smiling.

"Uhm...Jaune?" Pyrrha said as he looked towards her.

"I'm totally fine with you if you want to be a lumberjack...and a woman." She said with a smile as Jaune adopted a look of happiness.

He took her by the hand, eloped and left beacon academy. They lived the rest of their lives in the forests of Mistral, where Jaune was now calling himself Joan. And they had twenty kids. All who turned out to be girls.

It was a good life.


End file.
